


collecting dust but our love's enough

by pendules



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, M/M, Reality TV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 16:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendules/pseuds/pendules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after they were put together (and three after they disbanded), One Direction plans a reunion world tour, releases a greatest hits album and…signs on for a reality TV show to document the entire process.</p><p>It's totally not at all what they expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	collecting dust but our love's enough

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a funny, cracky reality TV show fic. Instead, it turned into a Harry/Louis monstrosity. (Sorry? Not sorry?)

_Episode 1_

Liam tries to not take it as too much of a bad omen that the day the cameras start rolling, he opens his front door to find Niall Horan passed out face down on his lawn. He literally just stands there for a long moment before Danielle and the cameraman come up behind him. 

Danielle just shrugs. "It'll probably help with ratings?"

The camera guy, as is his job, declines to comment. Liam's pretty sure they all signed a contract or something. All he wants in that moment, though, is for someone to say what he's thinking: that this whole thing is fucking insane.

They eventually just leave him there though, and he drops wordlessly onto the stoop.

When Niall finally comes to, he just rolls over in the same place, squinting up at the midday sun.

"Liam, mate, what's for breakfast?"

So, yeah, this is his life now. Or _again_ , really. The thing about it though is that now it's all on TV for the world to see.

Why exactly did he agree to this again?

*

It's ten years after they were put together, three since they've gone on hiatus, and those were spent pretty much under the radar for all of them, except for a couple of Harry's high-profile flings and Louis coming out as bisexual and Zayn dropping a solo album that they all fully supported (plus Harry's band debut album that they made an unspoken agreement to not speak of _ever_ for reasons that, again, they don't speak of). It's not that people don't care, it's just that it's less intense now, and that's good. But then they started planning their reunion world tour and Liam and Danielle got married and it started to feel like old times again. They were back in the news pretty much every day, paparazzi and fans started following them around, and somehow it was both familiar and strange at the same time.

So, then they get pitched the idea. And it's not the first time, but the times before, they'd all decided together with their management that it wasn't the right thing to do. But now, now maybe it is.

Fans have always wanted that inside look and they've been out of the spotlight long enough for people to wonder what's going on with them (what's _really_ going on, not just the occasional blurb in the magazines they've gotten during the years after that insane initial period where it felt like every moment of their lives was being observed), and a reality show's the perfect opportunity. It'll be focused on preparing for their world tour and how it affects their family life.

That's how it gets sold to them.

They're quick to add that cameras will be on them pretty much all the time, but anything they don't feel comfortable with will be deleted. Liam just nods sort of distractedly.

Danielle's listening intently though. 

Afterwards, when they're back home, he says, "So...will you be okay with it? I mean, if you don't want to..."

"No, God, of course I'm okay with it." Liam knows she means it.

"Because, you know, it's as much your decision as it is ours."

"Yeah, and I think we should go for it."

"Really?"

"Yes, definitely."

So, in retrospect, it's almost completely Danielle's fault.

*

After all the papers are signed, the five of them go out to celebrate.

"I can't believe we're doing this shit," Louis says, already on his third beer. "I thought we used to be against this kind of blatant invasion of our privacy?"

"It's Liam's fault," Harry says. "He just wants the whole world to see his and Danielle's disgustingly perfect life."

"Ugh," Louis agrees.

Niall just keeps chugging his beer, apparently oblivious to the conversation they're having. Always so dependable.

Zayn looks like he's itching for a fag or just to escape their general vicinity.

Liam sighs, all too used to dealing with this on his own.

"You know you're both huge attention whores. You'll love it."

They can't come up with a halfway witty response between them so Liam takes it as a win.

*

He finds Zayn outside later though. He's not smoking, just watching cars go by.

"Am I doing the right thing?"

"I don't know," Zayn answers truthfully.

"I don't - I don't want this to mess up, you know, everything. Us."

"It won't if you don't let it," he says, typically blunt but wise.

Liam's really grateful for him then. For all of them, really. He couldn't do this without them, he knows, just like he couldn't have done the rest of it.

It's pretty comforting, too, that they all have the same reservations as him, so they'll all try their damnedest to make the experience a good one.

And try not to kill each other in the process.

*

So the first episode opens with Niall in the garden and then spending the day at their house eating all their food and beating him at FIFA. They pick up Zayn who's still in bed at 5pm and physically drag him out of his house, they find Harry at some secretive hipster bar that's like fucking Fight Club or something and drag him along too, they pick Louis up where he's filming his talk show and he can't help but grin at the four of them hanging out the car windows waiting for him. It's definitely just like old times.

They go back to Niall's because he has the best acoustics and all the instruments and they have their first real rehearsal in three years in his garage. It's actually just a lot of messing around though, obviously, and it goes on for most of the night.

And yeah, maybe they're older now, and their voices have changed and they're more experienced and confident and their musical tastes are more refined, but when Harry sings and Louis grins at him, eyes lighting up under his fringe or when Niall drapes himself all over Zayn and they both declare they're too tired to physically go on, he sees them exactly like they were when they were teenagers and all they had was each other and the whole world laid out in front of them.

He's doing his talking head for the end of the episode and he says, "Today was a good day. But then again, every day spent with my best friends always is."

The last frame is him smiling at the camera, he knows. He thinks maybe it really won't be that bad.

*

_Episode 2_

He reconsiders it less than four hours later when his mobile is going off at 4am. He panics for a second, flailing around for his phone on the nightstand, ends up knocking it off instead and then curses and turns on the light.

Danielle groans and rolls over, clutching a pillow over her eyes.

He finally retrieves the phone from the floor, quickly answers it.

"What? Is someone dying?" It's a pretty legitimate question to be fair.

"Liam?" Louis' voice is quiet and a bit shaky and oh, fuck, something bad has happened, and there are cameras in the room, and this is not what he signed up for, not at all.

"Louis, what's wrong?" he says, trying his best to keep his voice steady.

"We had a fight," he says, and sighs dramatically.

"Are you serious?" It's not the first time. It's probably not the twentieth time. The guy Louis's been living with is kind of a douche, but obviously he'd never say that. None of them will. They all know that they moved in together way too fast, but Louis's stubborn and when he makes up his mind about something - well, it's no use trying to change it. Liam's accepted that he'll have to figure it out on his own, and probably get hurt in the process, but maybe it'll be better in the long run for him. Liam's a pretty big believer in learning from your mistakes.

"Can I stay at your place, Liam?" And Jesus, he can imagine his big, sad eyes, and fuck, he is persuasive when he wants to be.

He already knows it's futile when he says, "Why don't you go to Harry's? Or check in to a hotel or something?"

"Harry's at some girl's place. And I don't want to be alone. Leeeyuuum, _please_."

And really, Louis's a fully-functioning, grown-up, adult person. He shouldn't be feeling so sorry for him.

"Ugh. Fine. Come over. I'll make up the guest bedroom."

Dani always says that whenever they have kids, Liam's going to let them get away with murder.

*

They end up watching old One Tree Hill episodes instead of going to bed and Danielle finds them both passed out in the living room the next morning.

She gives him a pointed look over the table at breakfast, and as is like her, it could mean a myriad of things. Maybe, _Are you ever going to grow up?_ Or _maybe you should talk to him. Maybe you should all talk to him._ Or _I'm glad you're such a good friend, but you're also a complete pushover._ Or _are we ever going to get some alone time in the entirety of our marriage?_

He wonders if the people watching will ever get a fraction of that.

He squeezes her hand and smiles at her and she looks confused and Louis just keeps yelling about the bastard through mouthfuls of pancakes.

*

Harry shows up after an intense five-way phone call (Zayn went back to bed halfway through and Niall went to get his second breakfast).

He just waves hello to Danielle, nods understandingly at Liam, and then gestures for Louis to take a walk with him.

Cameramen follow them outside.

*

"Are you okay?" is the first thing he says. He'd been itching to on the phone, but he needs the truth, needs to see him, needs to be alone with him. Louis's much less of an enigma than he likes to believe. Especially not to Harry, Harry who's been his best friend for almost a decade, who's been through so much with him.

"I'm - yeah." He kind of half-shrugs, like _you know_.

And it's happened so many times that it shouldn't be a big deal. But Harry hates to see him hurt more than anything in the world, and he hates not being able to do anything about it even more.

Louis fancies himself as their protector, _his_ protector, even now, but he's never been so great at protecting himself, protecting his heart.

Harry wants to hold his hand, maybe wrap his arms around him, press a kiss just below his ear, but the cameras sort of deter him and he hates that, that he feels like he's eighteen again, under all that scrutiny, trying not to do the wrong thing. They're older now, more comfortable in their skin, even more comfortable with each other. He shouldn't feel like that.

Louis pauses and just brushes his hand against Harry's, smiles at him, "I'll be fine. Are you okay?"

Harry shakes the concerned expression off his face, curls flying around, smiles back at him. 

"I'm great."

They continue down Liam's street. When they reach the end and turn back, he wonders for a fleeting moment if it wasn't just because of the cameras.

*

Liam grabs Harry and pulls him into into the living room when they get back.

"We can't do this anymore."

Harry sighs. "Liam, we've talked about it. We'll just push him further away. You know how Louis is. He'll do exactly the opposite just to be defiant."

"He knows we care about him. He knows we only want what's best for him. And he'll find out eventually," he finishes, eyes travelling to the camera. 

Harry just shakes his head and sits down, not sure at all what the right decision is.

"I just - don't want to lose him," he says quietly.

"I know, I know. I don't want to either. But we definitely will if we keep avoiding this."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, we'll talk to him."

*

It turns out they don't have to. 

When they get back to the kitchen, Danielle's standing there looking at them apprehensively. And Louis's at the table, staring at his phone.

 _What?_ Liam mouths at her and she just shakes her head.

"Louis..." Harry starts. 

"We broke up. It's official," he says, finally looking up. His smile is pained.

Harry reaches out to hug him, maybe more for his own benefit than Louis'.

"You can stay with me if you want," he says when he pulls back.

"I already offered," Dani interrupts. Liam looks at her in surprise. She gives him an encouraging look.

*

Later that night when Harry's taken him out to drown his sorrows and they're alone, Liam finally asks.

"What did you say to him?"

"I just told him he deserves to be happy," she says simply.

"I love you a lot, you know."

"Yeah, I do."

*

Harry's talking head for the second episode: "I feel protective of them. I mean, Louis and Liam especially. Because they take care of people all the time. I think they need people to take care of them for a change. And Liam has Danielle, and she's amazing. But it's been harder for Louis. I think maybe it's because he's afraid of letting people in fully. Maybe he's afraid that the good ones won't work out so he makes some...bad decisions sometimes...

I feel like we all grew up together. And we have to see that through till the end. It won't feel right otherwise. I won't be complete until we all are. I think we all feel like that to some extent."

He calls Louis after he's done even though he's probably already asleep at Liam's. He leaves a message.

"Hey, it's me. I'm here if you need anything. Anything at all. Love you, man. Bye."

*

_Episode 3_

Zayn starts planning an epic surprise party for Niall. He's surprisingly kind of a control freak/perfectionist. Party planning basically becomes a full-time job for him while the others take turns distracting Niall. Which is pretty easy to do, really, given a cheeseburger and a pint. 

It's pretty ironic, really, that Zayn's so anal about this party that's for literally the least fussy person ever. But they leave him to it. Partly because he's kind of frightening when he's so single-mindedly determined about something. And partly because it's pretty cute, really. Sometimes they genuinely think they wouldn't be here, wouldn't still be so close and peaceful, if it wasn't for Niall and his demands that they all spend time together during their hiatus, that they didn't let anything change.

They all have their part to play in the group dynamic and Niall's always held them together best, even where Louis and Liam failed, because of their own differences or because of the kind of cynicism the rest of them allowed to get into the cracks but which could never get to him.

*

They're all pretty sure Niall isn't surprised at all, but Zayn looks extremely pleased with his reaction anyway, so it all goes pretty smoothly.

Even Harry thinks the guestlist is pretty insane. Liam tries to just look impressed instead of terrified, Danielle clutching onto his arm, looking like she absolutely belongs there. Louis is pretty sedated, like he's been the last couple weeks, but he nods appreciatively at everything. He's not sad, not really, Harry thinks. Just sort of quiet, stuck in his own head, rethinking everything, maybe. His relationships and life and how to grow up but not change and how to balance everything - work and friends and relationships, maybe wondering if even wants to, if it's worth it, trying so hard to be happy in everything he does, to achieve fulfillment in all aspects of life.

He hasn't really said anything to Harry but he doesn't have to. Harry knows he's in that place in life, the place he never really wanted to get to, because he isn't too prepared to deal with it. Harry knows he was hanging on to Matt so long because he didn't want to face that - being alone and realising he wasn't so good at it or realising he _was_ and he didn't want to be.

He's deciding what he wants to do with his life, what he wants to be.

When he yells it over the music - "Are you okay?" - he just means now, this moment, he just wants to know if he's getting there.

Louis nods at him and he grins wide.

*

Niall doesn't expect him to be there, but apparently Zayn really went all out. They haven't seen each other in years, and their communication had gradually fizzled out after that night in the summer of 2014 that he thinks about more than he'd ever admit.

(He'd just broken up with his girlfriend, and suddenly he was just _there_ , standing in the doorway of his hotel room, and he'd opened his mouth to say something, maybe _sorry_ , maybe _why_ , maybe _I'm glad you're here_ \- he's long forgotten which, but it didn't matter anyway, because Justin had just kissed him. And fuck if he hadn't been waiting for that for two years, so there were no questions to be asked.

That was the first and last time.)

No one knows about it - well, Liam does because he got drunk and spilled it a while after, but Zayn doesn't, it was totally innocent on his part, inviting him, and it's not a big deal anyway, it was ages ago, and Justin's here, so he must have gotten past it too. It wasn't anything. It didn't mean anything.

Only he leans in too far to tell him happy birthday and hugs him too long and - oh. _Oh._

*

Justin ends up giving him a messy handjob in the bathroom, cameramen thankfully outside, but shit, now everyone's going to know everything.

But that was the point of this, right? To spill everything. Niall doesn't have a lot of secrets. It's always been easier to be happy like that.

*

"Do you want to be on the show?" Niall asks, kind of stupidly, when they go back to the party.

"I want a lot of things involving you," he says, quiet, private, and Niall's so gone.

He notices Liam looking at them, gives him a thumbs-up and earns a smile.

*

"So, Niall's hooking up with Justin Bieber," Louis says when they're back at Liam's, looking kind of dazed.

"Yep."

"Holy shit. This show is gonna be epic, man."

Liam's kind of starting to think so too.

*

Zayn calls him the next morning.

"So did you enjoy it?" he asks eagerly.

Niall grins at the sleeping form next to him.

"Yeah, mate, best party ever."

*

Niall sneaks out quietly to do his talking head.

"Me and Justin - we just, we clicked from early on. We just wanted to hang out all the time, which was weird for me, 'cause I was such a big fan of his. But the more I got to know him, he just became one of my best mates - well, more than that, really. I'm really, really glad we reconnected. And I pretty much owe Zayn for life now. He should be happy."

*

_Episode 4_

The press takes about a month to get over the new Niall and Justin development. Then things gradually start going back to normal. Well, except for the fact that Louis still hasn't moved out yet, and consequently, Harry's also almost a permanent fixture on their couch. For two people who try so hard to appear like sophisticated adults, they sure do play a lot of Mario Kart. Harry keeps pulling him aside into corners to whisper (pretty unsubtlety) about Louis and how he's still recovering, and he needs time. This "recovery" apparently involves a lot of shopping sprees and sleeping until after noon and expecting to be waited upon hand and foot.

Liam makes a crack one night about how maybe they should _all_ move in together before they go on tour but the withering look Danielle gives him makes him instantly regret it.

So, yeah, he decides something needs to be done. And fast. For the sake of his marriage. And his sanity.

Louis needs to go back to the world and get off his couch.

*

He figures out pretty early on that Harry won't be any help at all, so he recruits Zayn.

"The Louis pity party needs to stop," he says. "I need your help."

"Thank God. Niall keeps sending me pictures of he and Justin doing domestic shit and being disgusting. I'm about to go out of my head."

*

Liam's never been one for clubbing, even back in the band's early days, but he knows if there's anything likely to succeed in bringing the old Louis back, it'd be pulsing music and strobing lights and sweaty bodies moving as one under the influence of alcohol and God knows what else. 

Zayn's at the bar leaving Louis all alone with him and he looks happy enough but also like he's already figured out that there's an ulterior motive at work.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Liam Payne?" he teases.

"I probably would if it'd get you out of my house," he replies, not sure how serious he really is at this point.

Louis' expression darkens now though.

"I know it's been longer than -"

"It's not that," Liam interrupts. "You know you're always welcome. But I - I'm worried about you. We all are. I know Harry keeps saying you need time. But I think we all know it's about more than just the break-up."

"Yeah, it is," Louis tells him, somberly.

"You can talk to me, you know. Or him. Or someone."

"Yeah, I know I can. I just - I don't know where to start."

"Well - you don't have to - not right now anyway. Just - have fun. That's what tonight's about."

"Okay," Louis says and smiles at him. It's a little strange though.

He ends up talking with this guy and they go off into the crowd, so Liam makes his way back to Zayn.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?" Zayn asks, and it feels like a weird reversal of that moment a couple months back when he was asking for Zayn's reassurance.

His answer feels just as uncertain this time time though.

"We'll know soon."

*

It's definitely sooner than he'd expected.

Harry shows up the next morning (per his usual routine) and Louis hasn't gotten in yet.

"Where is he?" he asks, tone light but looking kind of suspicious.

"He... he didn't sleep here last night."

"What? He moved out? But he didn't tell - Oh." Liam hasn't seen him this crestfallen since that night on the X Factor stage when they called someone else's name instead of theirs. He didn't think he'd ever see him like this again, really. Because Harry's gotten pretty good at dealing with heartbreak over the years. He's maybe the strongest of all of them now. (Or maybe, maybe he's never cared so much about anyone, anything that came before this. He's never cared so much when he lost them.)

"Harry - wait." But he's already gone, out the front door.

Liam catches up to him on the stoop that he'd sat on and waited for Niall that first morning (and wow, it hasn't even been five episodes yet and it already feels like everything's been turned upside down).

"Harry, just stop. Just talk to me."

He turns around.

"What did you _do_?" he demands. The accusation in his eyes hurts for a moment.

"I let him go. Something you're obviously not very good at."

Harry recoils like he's been slapped. And he hates himself a lot right then. He's always hated being the one to tell the harsh truths. But someone has to do it.

"He's just - he's just going to get hurt again."

"Yeah, but it's his choice. We can't take it away from him."

"How is _this_ caring about him?" Harry says, spitting his own words back at him. "Aren't we just letting him do exactly what we tried to stop before?"

"This isn't about Matt," Liam says, calmly. "Or any other guy. We both know that."

Harry just stares at the ground, doesn't say anything.

"Are you in love with him?" And it's almost _Are you_ still _in love with him?_ because Liam knew, how could he not know, how could anyone not see it, especially when they were in such close proximity to them for so many years.

"I don't know. I thought I got over it. But then - then this whole thing happened," he says, his gesture encompassing everything: the cameras, the tour, the reunion, the break-up.

"Are you going to tell him?" 

It just hangs there between them.  
And then the silence is broken by Louis walking up the driveway.

"Hey," he says, grinning, throwing an arm around Harry's shoulders. "Why's everyone so serious? What happened?"

Harry just averts his eyes and Liam says, "Nothing."

*

Liam corners him before he leaves.

"Hey, we can - we can edit that out, if you want. I mean -"

Harry shakes his head. "No, leave it in. That's the point of this, right? No secrets."

He gives him a sad little half-smile before he turns away.

*

Louis' talking head: "So, this is my first confessional. Or whatever they call this... I think I'm going to be okay. I haven't been in a long relationship for a while. And maybe it's been my fault most of the time. Because I didn't know what I wanted. Or I wanted all the wrong things. I don't know if it'll be better next time. You can't ever tell. But I think I do know what I want now. This band... this band has been the longest relationship I've ever had. It's the thing I'm most proud of, the one certainty in my life. And I know we'd all do anything for each other. That's... that's the kind of relationship I want."

(When he's done, he gets out of the chair and goes straight over to Harry who's been watching just out of frame.

"So, how did I do?"

Harry's eyes are kind of shiny. He smiles. "You were great.")

*

_Episode 5_

Harry's feels like all he's been doing is counting. The days until the episode airs. The days until they're back on the road. The days until the tour ends and they go back to reality. The days until Louis leaves him, for a new job, or a new guy, or a new life. Again. It's not fair to Louis, really. Because they all did that the first time. They were all so eager for all the new opportunities life would bring. And some of those were great and some weren't. And there were disappointments and failures and hopelessness and defeat. And it kind of all blindsided him. Because he thought he was so prepared for anything the world threw at him. Because it was easy to feel like that with the four of them around him. Like they could accomplish anything. And maybe he was angry at himself for becoming so dependent on them, but that morning when he picked up the phone and they said they were ready to do it again, he was the happiest he'd been in three years. Maybe he'd been counting down the days then too.

He checks off another day on his mental calendar. One hundred and seven days until the episode airs and it's all out there for the world to see. He'll probably see it before then anyway. Or someone will tell him. It doesn't matter how - he will find out. It's not a vague, hypothetical situation anymore. It's right there and it's hurtling towards him like an out-of-control eighteen-wheeler and it's utterly unavoidable.

He's dealt with Louis leaving him a lot over the years, he's dealt with rejection and loss and heartbreak, but he's not sure he'll ever get over it this time.

*

He's been on a couple dates and he's _smiling_. He's smiling and he's dragging Harry around to look at flats and he's skipping around like he'll take flight at any moment and he's bright and lovely and _Louis_ and he's _smiling_ again.

Harry wants to remember every moment of this. Sometimes he struggles to remember tiny details of their trips or of Louis' and his adventures and he's struck by a sudden sadness. He wishes he'd photographed it all, or wrote it down, maybe just a word or two, something to set his memory alight. He'd ask him, but Louis always ends up meandering way off topic, incomplete stories meeting at junctions and going off on different paths. Harry always enjoys the journey though. His relationship with Louis feels like a really long one. One long journey across wild, unpredictable terrain. Half-remembered stories stuck together haphazardly and out of order. Choose your own ending. 

Maybe he's never had a choice. Maybe all he can do is follow along until Louis decides they've gone far enough for now. Maybe all he's been doing is chasing a light that keeps eluding him, a memory that's always an inch out of his grasp.

*

They stop at a coffee shop and Louis's licking icing from his donut off his fingers and Harry's taking pictures with his mind.

"What are you going to do after tour?" he asks, and they haven't talked about it, not any of them.

Louis considers it for a moment.

"Go back to my show, maybe. Or do something else." He shrugs.

And that's Louis, really, always moving from one thing to another. Harry remembers when they were both young and naive and they thought they'd have it all figured out by now, stable job and married with kids. This lifestyle of theirs was never supposed to extend out of their twenties. But here they are. Liam's married and Niall and Zayn practically are now too and nothing's changed for the two of them at all. 

Harry's never been with anyone he thought he'd seriously end up with, and Louis had lots of romantic notions about Eleanor back in the day but it was less about her and more about the idea of being with her. They're both sufficiently jaded now, he knows, but Louis likes to pretend he isn't. Harry admires him for that, really. Louis doesn't believe in a lot of things, but he believes in love, in family. Harry's maybe always believed too much in the wrong things, and could never properly return any of the love he'd been given. Louis's always looked for love in all the wrong places, all the wrong people. They're basically both huge messes. 

But at least they still have each other.

*

They're doing promo for their tour, their new greatest hits album and they're driving from interview to interview and there are cameras everywhere and masses of people and it's all a bit fucking crazy. Harry feels like he can't deal with anything that's happening and Liam keeps shooting him these looks when someone else is speaking and it's like he can't even breathe. 

So, yeah, maybe it's because he hasn't eaten all day and his blood sugar's at critically low levels or maybe because Louis's _smiling_ so fucking much and cheerfully responding to the most mundane questions and Liam is trying to bore holes into his skull with his gaze and Niall keeps inserting innuendo into every answer about Justin and Zayn is just rolling his eyes fondly and girls are screaming outside the studio and - it's kind of a bit too much.

The next thing he knows he's on the floor, looking up at the ceiling while the room spins around him.

*

He's pretty sure they actually turned off the cameras. For the first time in, like, months, he thinks. He thinks Louis is holding his hand, and his grip is so tight and his hand is sweating. His face looks so pale and he's not saying anything.

Liam's just looking down at him and saying his name calmly.

He drifts off again.

*

When he comes to again completely, he's lying on a couch in a tiny room. And Louis's sitting in a chair watching over him.

"Where - where are we?"

Louis looks pretty startled.

"We're still at the studio. We were - we were going to call an ambulance but it's chaos outside and we didn't want to cause any panic. We were pretty sure it was just dehydration anyway. But - you scared us."

 _He_ looks scared, definitely. Harry sits up and turns to face him. He takes his hand and squeezes it where it's resting on his knee.

"I'm fine, I swear. I just - I wasn't thinking, I guess. I was distracted."

"Yeah, I forgot how wild it can be."

"No, I didn't mean - I meant..."

"What?"

Harry takes a deep breath and just says it before he can take it back. Because they're alone now, finally, and it's maybe the only chance he'll get.

"I need to tell you something."

*

_Episode 6_

Louis wants love more than anything and he's terrified whenever he has a chance of getting it. 

He remembers when they were first put together and he and Harry were inseparable. And he wanted to tell him all kinds of things, things he'd never told anyone. But it was too soon, and Harry was so young, and they were just enjoying the ride, and they'd have time, he knew it. They'd have all the time in the world.

It's funny, now, how it's ten years later and he still hasn't told him so much.

*

It's ten years later and these strange, terrible words are coming out of Harry's mouth.

"I love you, I've been in love with you since I was sixteen, and it's on video, everyone's going to know soon and I don't regret it, because you need to know, I need you to know, and please, please just _say_ something."

"Uh, did you - did you hit your head when you fell?"

Harry just stares back at him, horrified, on the verge of tears.

"I should, uh, I should go get you something to drink."

And he flees before Harry can tell him to stop.

*

The others flood in to see Harry as soon as he tells them he's awake, providing a good distraction. Louis ends up in the bathroom, splashes water on his face and looks at himself in the mirror. It's like he's aged ten years in the last couple hours. He looks tired and scared and empty. Like all the hope's gone out of him. Any progress he's made in the last couple weeks has just been completely unraveled. He's been keeping up a good front but it's all showing through now. Because maybe they'll be happy for a while, and it'll be just like old times, back on the road, playing pranks and causing chaos but it's all a delusion. It's not real anymore. It's just snapshots of a life he used to live, one that doesn't belong to him anymore. Just like Harry isn't his anymore. And it's not fair, it's not fucking fair, that he's waited until now. That he'll give him this tiny bit of hope now when it'll probably be snatched away from him way too soon.

Liam finds him about fifteen minutes later and he knew, of course he knew. Louis would scream at him but he doesn't have any fight left in him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"He said - he said you just walked out on him. What is _wrong_ with you, Louis?"

"I was doing what I had to do. Like I always do."

"No, you ran away. Like you _always_ do. Like you did last time."

"I did it for him. I did it because he deserves to be happy, not to be forever tied to some guy he met when he was sixteen who doesn't have a clue what he's doing with his life."

"You did it 'cause you were scared it wouldn't last," Liam says sadly.

"Of course it wouldn't have lasted. Just like the fucking _band_ couldn't last."

Liam looks at him for the first time ever like he wants to actually punch him. Louis would let him too. Anything would feel better than this. Instead, Louis sees him set his jaw in place.

"We're all still here," he says firmly.

"But would we be otherwise? Would we be if I fucked it up with him the way I do with everyone else?"

Liam doesn't have an answer and Louis didn't expect him to.

*

Liam's pretty sure Louis stays out all night, doing God knows what. He needs time to cool off anyway, and think, and hopefully not do anything rash, like actually fucking up everything. Liam's, like, actually exhausted, and they're not even on tour yet. Jesus.

Niall and Zayn come over the next evening and everyone's weirdly quiet, and they just sit in the living room, not doing anything until...

"This is so fucked-up," Niall says.

Zayn nods. "Agreed."

"Has anyone heard from Harry?" Niall asks quietly.

"No, I think he's still holed up in his flat," Liam says, not looking at either of them.

"And Louis -"

"His things are still here. I have no idea where he is now."

"They're both such -"

"It's complicated," Liam cuts him off. "They'll figure it out."

He hopes against hope that he's right.

*

The message just reads _please let me in_.

Harry just stares at it for a long time before throwing the blankets off himself and getting out of bed to open the door.

He doesn't look at him, just turns around and goes into the kitchen.

Louis looks at him worriedly when they're both facing each other. 

"Jesus, have you eaten anything today?"

"I can't remember. Maybe."

Louis gives an exasperated sigh and says, "Sit down. Let me make you something." Louis can't remember the last time he cooked for himself, let alone someone else. And Harry was always the one who'd cook for him. But he's missed it, taking care of people in little ways, in any way he could. Taking care of Harry (although Harry ended up taking care of him too, in the end). It's so surprising (or maybe he just sounds so much like Liam then) that Harry actually does what he's told.

It's almost 7pm but Louis stacks blueberry pancakes on a plate and pours copious amounts of syrup on top before placing it in front of Harry together with a huge glass of orange juice.

"Eat," he says, sternly.

Harry grudgingly picks up a fork.

"I'm sorry," Louis says as soon as he sits down. "I was a twat."

"No, I know I - I know I kind of blindsided you. I shouldn't have -"

"No, I'm glad. I'm glad you told me. I just wish that -"

"You wish what?"

"I don't know. That the timing was better. That we weren't surrounded by cameras all the time. That we lived in some other world. That we knew what was going to happen. If it would last," he finishes.

"That's the point though, isn't it? Nothing ever lasts. So why should we wait?" And he sounds so young suddenly, so naive, like some other person, like the Harry he knew years and years ago who was so trusting and so, so breakable. Maybe Harry trusts him, has always trusted him. But he doesn't trust himself. Not with Harry.

"I just - God, Harry, I need some time. Just a little while. Can you please give me that?"

Harry nods.

Louis gets up and bends down to brush his lips over Harry's forehead.

"After ten years, what's a couple more weeks, right?"

*

"I don't know what's going to happen. Not with us or the band or anything, really. I'm scared, yeah. I know Louis's scared too. He's scared of things he can't control. And neither of us can control what happens to us now. We don't know anything for sure. I just - I just know that I don't know how to love anyone like I love him. Maybe it's not simple. Maybe it's not easy. But I know that. I hope he knows that too."

*

_Episode 7_

So, Zayn barges into his room when he gets back. He's not usually the interfering type but Liam's probably just giving him space after their last little spat (if you can call it that) and Niall's probably live-texting Justin as their whole drama goes down. Zayn's pretty stubborn when he wants to be, he'll give him that.

"What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"And where exactly do you think you're going to go?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll find somewhere. I need to get away from this whole insane circus. And obviously, everyone's mad at me now so -"

"Well, you can stay at mine," Zayn says matter-of-factly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Perrie won't mind. And it's less crazy there. I think everyone thinks I'm too boring to follow around all day. Which, well, yeah, I can't argue with that."

Louis can't help but smile.

"Okay," he says finally. "Thanks, mate."

"Anytime. So, now tell me what stupid excuse you gave Harry."

Louis sighs, knowing he couldn't get away from it.

"I didn't tell him anything. I just said I needed time to think."

"Think about what though? He's been in love with you since he met you. And you can't tell me you don't feel the same. You're not that good of a liar."

"It's not that easy. There's too much stuff - too much history. It's too complicated. And there's the band to consider -"

"Fuck the band," Zayn says.

Louis just stares at him.

"Stop using us as an excuse. Stop using everything as an excuse. None of that matters and you know it."

"We were supposed to protect him," Louis says quietly. " _I_ was supposed to protect him. Now I've just fucked it up. Again."

"He's not a child, Louis. He's made his decision. Now it's time to make yours," and Zayn always makes so much sense, even when Louis doesn't really want him to.

"I don't know if I can give him what he wants," Louis says, shaking his head helplessly.

"He just wants _you_. We all know how he feels. But what about you, Louis? What do you want?"

"I want..." And he actually doesn't know how to finish that sentence. He's always had vague ideas about what would make him happy but they've never added up to a complete picture. Now, all he can see is Harry holding his hand, looking him right in the eyes, and laying himself bare in front of him, completely open and exposed and vulnerable. And Louis knows how hard that must have been for him, letting those barriers fall after so long, those barriers he probably put up because of Louis in the first place.

"I want to be good enough for him."

"You are, you idiot."

Louis really, really wishes he could believe it. Hopes he will soon.

*

He spends the next week and a half at Zayn's, hiding from the world. He doesn't hear from Harry but he gets a call from Niall saying he's doing okay now.

The thing is, he's always kind of known. A part of him has always known about Harry's feelings, maybe even since the bungalow. At first, he figured it was a crush that'd go away as soon as he started getting attention, from screaming fans and celebrities and models and all the people who'd fall in love with Harry Styles just like Louis did. And yeah, he'd hooked up with a lot of people, dated around, but they never lasted. And he would've been worried about him, but he was young and bright and free and he'd be okay, Louis was sure, because he was _Harry_ and he was beautiful and amazing and he'd find someone equally beautiful and amazing who'd understand him and appreciate him and he'd be happy. Because people like Harry always end up happy. Only it never quite happened. And Louis wondered if he'd become cynical and bitter and all these things he wasn't ever supposed to be. If he'd hidden his heart away for safekeeping where no one could find it.

Or maybe he'd already given it away a long time ago.

*

He calls him before he can stop to think about it.

"I need to know something."

"Louis? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I just needed - I just need to talk to you. I just need -"

"Calm down, Lou." And Louis almost laughs out loud, because he sounds like he's back to normal, like nothing's changed for a second.

"I need to ask you - Everyone you've dated in the last three years, how many of them were you in love with?"

Louis hears a sharp inhale on the the other end and he knows he probably wants to put his guard up again, but it's all been obliterated; there are no walls between them anymore, nothing unsaid, nothing hidden.

"None of them, Louis," he finally says and it has the force of a tidal wave. "I didn't love anyone before you. And I didn't love anyone after you."

Louis feels his throat tighten.

"Jesus, Harry, that's a lot of pressure," and he actually lets out a tiny laugh this time, but it's one of wonder, of relief, of pure joy. He's not scared of the weight of this anymore. He's ready to embrace it, because it's the most important thing in his life, the most important thing he'll ever do.

"Louis, are you okay?" It's a nice callback to that first night at Liam's house.

"Yeah, I'm fine. And Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

*

He kind of stands there awkwardly for a moment after he hangs up before he realises what's happened, that it's over, that it's within his grasp after years and years of doubt and fear. He can have everything he's ever wanted if he just reaches out and takes it.

It takes a couple minutes to drive over to Harry's but at the same time, it's the longest trip of his life.

Harry looks at him like he's not real when he opens the door.

"You were right. I don't want to wait anymore."

He's still just standing there and staring at him so Louis takes the first step forward, rests a hand gently on his neck, strokes his jawline slowly with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm sorry it took so long," he says, before leaning in. 

Harry exhales against his mouth like he's taking his first breath.

*

_Episode 8_

They lie facing each other, not touching, but sharing their warmth. Louis thought once he'd started touching, he'd never be able to stop, but it's enough now, just the fact that he could if he wanted. Touch all the secret places he'd only looked at before, see if they're as sensitive as he'd imagined they would be, kiss the back of his neck and leave bite-marks on his collarbones and run his fingers up his spine to make him shiver against him. He feels kind of dizzy with all the possibilities, all the things they could do and say and all the time they have now. Harry's eyes are closed but he's smiling and Louis would probably walk through the fires of hell itself if it meant waking up to that everyday.

Then curious green eyes are staring at him and it's even better.

"You're so quiet," he says. "I thought maybe I'd dreamt you were here."

"I'm not going anywhere," he says and it's most truthful thing he's ever said.

"I thought you did, you know," and his tone is melancholic now. "When you decided it was time to split up, I thought - I thought you were leaving _me_."

"I'd never," he whispers. And Louis knows more than anyone how uncertain life is, how things can change in a millisecond, how your whole world can come crashing down on you with no warning at all, how nothing at all is permanent. But this one thing - this one promise - he'll make sure it's never, ever broken.

"I think I was going to tell you then. Maybe I had some ridiculous thought that it would fix everything."

"There wasn't anything to fix. It was just time."

"I know that, I know."

"You should've told me though."

"And what would you have done?" Harry says, leaning back a little bit to study his expression intently. Louis feels like there's no part of him Harry can't see now. And it's okay, it feels fine, because Harry was always the only one he could've ever given it all to.

There's nothing but truth now, as it should be.

"The same thing, maybe. And broken your heart in the process."

"I think you broke my heart anyway," he admits, so, so softly.

"Maybe you broke mine too."

"Well, that's it then. Settled."

"Yeah," Louis says and drifts off to sleep.

*

They stay in bed until after midday and then Harry makes him 'breakfast' to pay him back for the last time.

"It's weird that everyone's going to see how it all happened though," Louis says around a mouthful of eggs.

"Well, they won't see everything. Some of it's just for you and me," Harry says, linking their hands on the table.

"Well, and for Liam and Zayn and Niall because you know they'll make us tell them everything, under threat of poisoning or something. Plus, Danielle and Perrie and Justin by extension."

"I don't care who knows," Harry says simply.

And yeah, they'll have to deal with the press and their fans and management and the world, eventually. But right now - right now, everything is just as it should be. And everything else will come later, tomorrow or next month or next year. Today is just for them.

*

They watch movies that they don't pay attention to and fall asleep on the couch wrapped around each other this time. 

When Harry wakes up, there's a blanket thrown over him and Louis's sitting on the other end of the couch, looking down at him and sipping tea. It's strange that he's woken up to him twice now in twenty-four hours. He wonders if that is what it'll be like from now on. Because Harry's woken up in people's beds before, but he's always been the first to wake up, the first to leave. Because he's never trusted anyone to wait for him. Not until now. He's never trusted anyone to understand all the things about him he couldn't say out loud, never trusted anyone with the fragile bits of himself, never trusted that they would accept all the weird, wild, different parts of him.

He never had to try with Louis.

"Hey," he says, sitting up, feeling completely awake suddenly.

"Hey, I thought you were never going to wake up." He smiles, and God, Harry's never seen him this happy, ever. He kind of doesn't even know what to do with it. Because Louis has two extremes: mad, unrestrained, dangerous enthusiasm (about new relationships or experiences) that always burns out way too fast and leaves him blindsided and wrecked when the initial high is over; and bitter, frustrated, cynical, draining periods that feel like they last for lifetimes, that take bits of his soul with them every time (along with bits of the souls of everyone around him). This is so different from either of them; this is a quiet, comfortable, permanent sort of bliss. A sense of belonging Harry knows he's never quite felt before. A sense of home that Harry feels too. He just wants it to last forever and ever and...maybe it won't. But he'll never forget these simple, quiet moments; he'll catalogue every single one in a special place inside of him that's reserved for Louis and Louis' happiness and the rare times when it envelops everything it touches, when it shines brighter than anything else in the world, shines for him, for them.

"Nah, then I would miss this," he teases.

"I made you tea, but it went cold." He looks at it sadly.

"That's okay. So, are we talking now?" They're in a good place now, finally, but Harry knows it's not entirely stable yet and it's not just about now. He needs to know he has a space, in whatever life Louis chooses after this. That they have a space in each other's lives: a real, active one and not just a stagnant place where ghosts and memories are kept alive and frozen in time. That they can actually live after this, can grow together and build a life together and have all of that outside the safe confines of the band and these past lives that they slip in and out of so easily.

"We _have_ been talking," Louis points out, and yeah, they have, but they've been talking in a dream, a waking dream in between dreams. They've not emerged into reality yet.

"No, I mean, _really_ talking. About what happens now. What we're going to do when the tour's over."

And there's still a deadline looming over them; their days of fantastical nostalgia is coming to an end.

Louis sighs. "Maybe we could just tour forever."

And there was a time they really did think that, or Harry did anyway. He's learnt the hard way not to make the same mistakes twice though.

"I've been writing some songs again," Harry admits.

"Really? About what?"

"You, mostly."

"Oh."

"Yeah, they're full of angst and tragedy," he says, but it's only a half-hearted attempt at joking.

"That's great," Louis replies dryly.

"I think I should go back to my band. I... I think maybe I gave up too easily last time."

"Yeah, you make a sexy rockstar," Louis deadpans. And Harry laughs because nothing's changed at all, really, except for everything.

"I'm serious though. You were amazing. Fuck the critics. And you'll be amazing again."

Harry just looks at him, and knows he means it, he always means it. And because of that, maybe Harry can start believing it a little again. 

He leans forward to press a kiss to his lips. It's quick but he feels Louis' eyelids flutter shut, feels the warm press of his hand against his side.

He pulls back and Louis has a look of soft contentment on his face now.

And he kind of doesn't want to disturb that, but it's now or never, really. Delaying this will only make it more difficult in the long run.

"What about you though?" he asks, slightly worried about the answer.

"I don't know," he says, but it's not unsettled. It's just a firm truth. "And that's okay. I'll figure it out as it comes."

"Okay," Harry agrees.

"Okay," Louis repeats.

"So, what about us then?" he says, coming to the crux of it all finally.

Louis swallows and Harry can see the conviction reach his eyes.

"I'm not going to get scared and run away again. I'm sure. Maybe I will get scared sometimes. But I'll stay and be scared with you."

"Okay," Harry says, wrapping him up in the tightest embrace he can manage.

He can feel him taking deep, steadying breaths as he clings back just as hard to Harry.

He doesn't let go for a long time.

*

Harry watches him this time as the sun rises and it's four weeks until the tour starts and eight weeks until the world knows all his secrets (maybe less than that now) and six months until it's over and six months until it starts. Six months until real life resumes. Six months until his new life starts. 

Only maybe it already has.

*

_Episode 9_

They decide they need to collectively apologise to the rest of the band for more than likely hijacking the whole show with their melodrama.

"It's not like we was expecting this to go to any sort of plan anyway," Liam interrupts. "I mean, it's _us_."

"Anyway, you know the ratings will be through the fucking roof now," Niall blurts out excitedly.

"I'm just glad it's your privacy that was invaded and not mine," Zayn deadpans.

"Wanker," Louis says fondly.

"So, anyway," Liam says all business-like. "We were thinking about getting away for New Years, get some R&R in before the big tour. You guys in?"

"Yeah," Harry says, looking across at Louis. "That sounds great. Where were you guys thinking of going?"

Liam just grins for a second. "How long has it been since we've gone back to the bungalow?"

*

They spend Christmas at Louis' and his sisters keep fighting over who's going to plan the wedding ("Bugger off," is all Louis says to that) and Jay gets a little teary when she presses kisses to both of Harry's cheeks and tells him he's always been part of the family and they hold hands under the table like teenagers and Harry blushes anytime someone mentions how handsome he is (which is a lot, considering). And then later, they make out on the bed in Louis' childhood room, feeling like they're eighteen again.

There's a picture on the nightstand that catches Harry's attention and he pulls away to pick it up. It's the two of them, arms around each other, grinning at the camera like idiots, the first time Harry had visited him.

Louis hooks his chin on Harry's shoulder to look at it too, arms coming around his waist.

Harry's expression is wistful now, he knows, like he's wondering _what if_ , like he's wondering if they'd just wasted all that time. But Louis - Louis wouldn't trade a moment of it. Not for anything in the world.

"Hey, I love you," he says quietly, and he hasn't said it a lot. Maybe he's still hoarding his words, his moments, now that he knows how precious they are. He'll keep them all safe where nothing dark or sinister can ever get to them, not even his own doubtful thoughts.

Harry nods. He carefully replaces the photograph exactly where it was and turns his gaze to the one next to it instead. It's all five of them, at some award show or another, celebrating another win, arms wrapped around shoulders in mutual congratulations, faces tucked against necks, expressions of the purest joy, all of it focused inwards to each other, as if the outside world didn't even exist.

Louis turns his face to press a kiss to Harry's neck, feels him relax completely against him.

It won't be long again now.

*

It's strange going back to the place where it all began now, ten years later, and with wives and boyfriends and girlfriends in tow.

The spend the night on the porch, drinking wine and telling stories (mostly really embarrassing ones). Then Liam says he's going to bed and they all roll their eyes and tease him about being an old man and then they say goodnight to him and Danielle. Zayn decides, for some weird reason, to take Perrie on a walk. No one comments. Niall and Justin still have a lot of drinking in them still but Louis and Harry decide to refrain.

Harry takes his hand and leads him back to their room. Louis just kind of stops when they get inside though and Harry turns around, looking at him curiously.

And Louis just looks at him, this kid, this kid with too-long limbs and too-big eyes and a smile that's too bright, this kid that isn't a kid anymore, this kid that grew up before his eyes, this kid he curled himself around in this exact room when he wasn't yet taller than him, this kid he held on to a little too tightly as if he could keep him, keep some small part of him, before the world took the rest and left nothing for Louis, this kid he had to let go of eventually, this kid who took the world by storm, this kid who stood in front of them for years, maybe shielding them, maybe being worn down slowly, this kid who had to be so strong so fast, this kid who put up so many walls, maybe at a cost to something deep down inside him, this kid who is so, so utterly defenseless against the few people he loves the most, the people who got in between the cracks and made a home at his core for themselves.

He's not a kid anymore. He'll always be to Louis though. The kid who trusted him too much. He'll go to the ends of the earth to earn that trust though.

"Hey, you okay?" Harry asks, narrowing his eyes at him.

"Yeah, I just - do you remember the first time we came here?"

Harry's smile lights up his whole face.

"Yeah, I remember every second."

*

So, Liam and Danielle go down to breakfast the next morning and Zayn and Perrie are _casually_ lounging in the kitchen. Only then Danielle sees the ring on Perrie's finger and her shrieks wake up the entire house.

*

There are lots of congratulations and they pop champagne Zayn got especially for the occasion. And yeah, maybe crazy, drunken antics ensue. No one can prove it though.

Liam's totally burning all of that footage.

*

They get back to London feeling so much freer than when they'd left. Louis's kind of quiet when they get back to Harry's flat, but Harry knows it's not a bad quiet this time. He's just thinking a lot.

They're watching TV when he finally says it. "Can I, uh, can we talk about something?"

"Okay," Harry says, straightening up to look at him properly. "What is it?"

"I want to marry you. Someday," he adds quickly, seeing Harry' wide-eyed expression. "I want to buy you a ring. I want to forget anniversaries and fail at cooking dinner for you. I want to come home to you every night, or the nights when you're not on tour at least. I want to travel the world with you. Again. And again. I know it's stupid and sappy but I don't care. I just - I want _everything_ with you." 

Harry's eyes had been getting kind of misty up until now, but then he raises an eyebrow, frowns a little.

"Did you just quote One Tree Hill?" he asks incredulously.

Louis grimaces.

"Oops, I forgot you saw that."

"You made me watch all nine seasons, you wanker." Harry throws a pillow at him and Louis ducks.

"You want to come home to me?" Harry repeats softly a moment later.

"Yeah," Louis says nodding.

"We haven't talked about living arrangements once the tour's over," Harry says.

"I was thinking... we could get a house together?"

"Yeah?" Harry says, kind of breathless.

"I mean, if you want to."

"God, Louis, of course I want to," he says, flinging his arms around Louis' neck.

*

_Episode 10_

They're all packed and ready to go and Harry can't even remember why he was so scared before. Because even when it's all over again, _they_ won't ever be. They'll always be able to fit right back into their old places in each other's lives, like they did six months ago, like they probably will five years from now, or ten, like they did the first time, the way they all fitted together so naturally, like those spaces were made just for them, spaces they didn't even know were there until they were filled. It's always felt so _right_ , and maybe Harry doesn't believe in fate but sometimes he wonders.

Because it's so rare, that people find a real love, a real _family_ , and it's even rarer that it lasts so long.

So, yeah, maybe the stars aligned for them. Maybe it was a fluke, sheer dumb luck. Harry doesn't really care either way. It doesn't matter.

It just matters that he has it, has it now, has it always.

*

They're in the car heading to the airport and Harry's been quiet for a long time, just staring out the window.

"Hey, you okay?" Louis says gently, resting a hand on his on the seat between them.

"Yeah," Harry says, turning to look at him. His smile's tired but real.

"Nervous?"

"No," he says, shaking his head. "Just happy. Really, really happy."

"Okay," Louis says, and then he's smiling too, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.

*

On the plane, Louis and Niall start arguing (again, for about the tenth time so far) about who's going to be Zayn's best man.

They just yell over each other for about five minutes before Liam cuts in and tells them they're going to get kicked off the plane ("We're already in the air, dumbass." "Still. _I_ will personally kick you off the plane.") and then...

"Clearly I'm the most logical choice anyway," he says matter-of-factly, winking at Zayn who's doing his best to ignore them all.

This causes a new argument that rages on for about twenty more minutes. Zayn's totally asleep by now, Harry's sure, and he hasn't even bothered looking up from his phone.

"Okay," Niall finally concedes. "You can get Zayn, Liam. But only because Harry's totally choosing me when they get married."

"What?" Harry says, finally paying attention now, because really, _what?_

Louis looks pretty amused by this but he's not saying anything.

"Dibs on Louis," comes a disembodied voice from somewhere. And oh, Zayn isn't actually asleep yet.

"But what about me?" Liam asks weakly.

"You already got Zayn," Niall and Louis say in unison, and wow, okay, that's kind of creepy.

Liam doesn't even bother to argue this time.

Louis just grins at Harry from around his seat.

"You guys are worse than Louis' sisters," he says and goes back to his phone.

Because they're not actually serious, right? It's way too soon. All that will come later. Much, much later.

Later.

Shit.

*  
Louis finds him in the bathroom after they arrive at the venue.

"You're not worried, are you?"

"About what?" Harry asks trying to sound casual.

"That we'll - I don't know, start hating each other or something. Or worse, slowly grow apart over time and even what we feel for each other won't be enough. Because that's always really fucking terrible, I know -"

Harry takes his hand and squeezes it, knowing Louis's probably worried about all of those things too. Worried about all the things they can't promise will never happen to them. Because no one can ever really promise anything like that. But it doesn't matter, he knows now, as long as they face it all together.

"I'm not worried," he assures him. He believes himself when he says it.

"Just - just promise me one thing," Louis says.

"Louis, I -"

"No, just listen, please." And he's almost pleading now. "Just promise me you'll always be my best mate. No matter what happens."

He's staring at him like he needs him to say it with everything he has. Like he won't be able to breathe without hearing it.

"Always," Harry tells him firmly, and Louis just pulls him in, arms around his waist, hands fisted in the back of his shirt, pressed together so tightly, like Louis wants to _become_ a part of him.

He already is. Always has been.

*

They do their last talking head, all together, squeezed onto a couch backstage before their first show.

"So, yeah," Liam starts, then pauses. He looks to his left to where Louis has an arm casually thrown around Harry's shoulders and Harry's beaming back at him. Louis catches his gaze and gives him the thumbs-up. Liam nods at him, and he finally knows what to say after agonising over it the whole day.

"We didn't know what this would turn out to be when we started," he continues. "We just knew that it would be special, us being back together again, and we wanted to share it with you - the fans, and the world. We hope you enjoyed it, this little look into our crazy lives." He gives a pointed glance across at Louis.

Louis lets out a noise of mock indignation.

"I take offense at that, Liam Payne! This show would be nothing without me to bring some...excitement."

"Drama, you mean," Zayn says under his breath. Niall starts laughing like an idiot though and betrays him.

They next ten minutes is just them arguing, voices overlapping chaotically, and Liam is content to just sit back and enjoy it. He's never felt more at home than right then.

*

They all run onto stage, just like they did ten years ago. The screaming intensifies as they stand there and look out at the crowd and then even more as Louis reaches for his hand and squeezes it for a second. Harry looks across at him, huge smile spreading across his face reflexively.

The music kicks in, and Harry just closes his eyes for a moment, soaking it all in, and when he opens them, it all begins. Again.


End file.
